06 Lessons

This year I learned how not to play the victim.

And...
I learned how to knit. Kind of.
I learned that you can change your life by changing your thinking.
I learned that we are all good people. Good people can do bad things when they are in bad situations.
I learned that exceptional people do good things in bad situations.
I learned that what was my shit, what was others.
I learned not to take other's shit on as my own.
I learned how to play sudoku.
I learned how to stop playing sudoku. This was harder.
I learned that the world was in graver trouble than ever suspected.
I learned not to be fearful of that, but to make actions for that.
I learned how to make puff pastry.
I learned that it's loaded with butter, and that's why I like it so much.
I learned that sometimes we all make mistakes. Infact, I knew that already.
What I really learned is that a friend will never take the moral high ground over another person's mistakes. We all need to learn in our own way.
I learned never to try to cancel my birthday again. That really did feel like crap. No matter where I think I might 'be', life is to be celebrated.
I learned that there is inspiration everywhere.
I learned that I am really happy, naturally.
I learned that on top of that happiness sometimes sits fear.
I learned how to face that fear.

In 2007, the fear and I are going head to head.

Inspiration: Subversive Art

Ron English is an American subversive artist. I dig the reclaiming of billboards for the free speech of individuals.

Reclaim an ad today!

Inspiration: BLESS

I was shopping with my mate Deb, who's quite up the duff, and I stumbled on the world's most amazing hoody. I don't need to buy the world's most amazing hoody (having recently bought the world's most comfortable hoody), but it did introduce me to BLESS.

From the web:

BLESS is a provocative collaborative project by Desiree Heiss and Ines Kaag generating products in the fields of fashion accessories, design and fine art. The products respond to personal needs in the areas of work, cooperation and living, and go beyond existing archetypes and conventions.

Back to me:

These people are just clever. For instance, they design cable jewellry that is to draw attentions to wires and plugs rather than to hide them. Stockings, socks and hoods to go over clothing. Covers for doors. Vacuums that are double as chairs.

Their work sits somewhere between fine art and fashion. Wherever it sits, I like it.
Here's Deb modelling the chain bag...

127

My IQ.

Just found out this morning. So, now what?

Art Day becomes Angst Day

My energy was totally fucked up today. I think it might have something to do with the block of chocolate I ate last night.

My days off are precious and I really wanted to do some art stuff, but push never came to shove and so the most creative thing I achieved was the dishes.

I hung out with Tash and we looked at blogs on life in Darfur in Sudan. I think that freaked us out a little. Tash is soon to spend two years there working with refugees. I have to admit that I feel quite ashamed about not really knowing much about what is going on - but basically it is the century's first genocide. And it's happening today, under the same sky that I ate gelati and worried about the rent and what I am doing with my life.

Then I went for a swim. I always notice my breathing when I swim and today it was especially catchy - it took ages to get it nice and even. I feel like going out and getting pissed, and yet I aslo feel like being alone. I'm muddled.

On Tuesday I was full of great inspiration and had loads of ideas about stuff I want to do. Today, somehow, I can't even remember what Tuesday's ideas were all about.

I keep on thinking about energy following thought. Perhaps today's thoughts were so scattered the energy got confused. Tonight I will meditate and hope for better thoughts tomorrow. Or I'll get pissed. Can't decide..

Inspiration: Ben Long

I used to live in Sydney, and have never forgotten stumbling onto an amazing exhibition called New Drawing: The Line Fell off the Page. It showcased a variety of new media for drawing: tyre lines from doing burnouts, braille drawings and embroidery.

But by far the stand out piece (for me) was the work of Ben Long. Wierdly I can only tiny morcel on the web about him now. He's draw on the back of dirty trucks, using his finger as a pen. The piece was a video installation, showing him at work, and the public reaction as the works travel.

I have one more image that I just need to scan in. Stay tuned.

Energy follows thought

I have my best mate Tash with me at the moment. It is very precious time, and I'm totally loving her being here, in my space. She's studying hard, so its just healthy vegan meals, pilates, hugs and laughing in between.

Tash has got me thinking about how our actions are accountable, but really we should be accountable for our thoughts. It's in line with what I've learned with my life coach Cynthia. We can question our own thinking, challenge it, accept it or reject it.

It might seem natural to judge others for their actions, and to judge our own capacities. But being natural and being habit are two different things.

Budha said:
We are our thoughts
Everything we do arises with our thoughts
With our thoughts
We make our world

If you want to change yourself and your world, change your thoughts.

Inspiration: Whiteboard animation

This is a video clip for Minilogue. I love it. So clever.

New Purchase: T-shirt

Work in progress: reach brief

I have been working on some graphics for Reach. They have taken me far too long, but the challenge has been worth the effort. It has been a real learning experience, not being a graphic designer. I find Photoshop quite frustrating!

Here's where it's at so far...









So, there is a lot more work to be done really, but they're coming along.
This blog is good for being honest. This is where it's at. I just wish it wasn't so bloody late!

On integrity

So, I've been seeing a life coach this year. It's been amazing, and I've learned that you can excact real change in your life. I find it really rewarding, although often gruelling. The weeks past by so fast! I think my greatest personal challenge is to turn up to the page more often and to stay there for longer. Discipline.

Along the way I had to outline what my main values are as a person. Integrity stood out, and it was important for me to flesh out what integrity means to me:

It was easy for me to cite integrity as my most valued value. I've long joked that I have to live up to my name and me a true man. I respect integrity in others, and my friend Natasha Yacoub is a person I think of when I think of integrity. What she wants for the world she enacts in her life. She in passionate about human rights and is not afraid to make great personal sacrifice for her passion. So, this is a starting point for me. Thinking globally and acting locally, and cultivating what I want for the world around me.

But I think that living in integrity operates on several levels. It begins with my relationship with myself, and then with those that I love, and then to those I work with and come across in my daily life, and then onto the world in general. It is about upholding my visions for myself. It starts with being honest with myself and those around me, and making consistent choices that are in line with achieving my visions.

Do I think that I live in integrity?
Well, I think that for me it comes and it goes. The times that I drop out of my integrity are when I judge people harshly. The times when I make bad choices for myself - choices that expend energy rather than harness it, like choosing to eat unhealthy food, or to get drunk or to waste away my time when there are other things I'd rather be doing. There are times when I let it all get on top of me, and I'm harsh on myself. There are times when I listen to the judgements of others and I give them precedence over my own judgements. These are the times that I ruin the moment and therefore the day. I'm not living for the now when I do that, and it dramatically affects my energy.

What is living in integrity for me?
Living in integrity is about doing what I want for me and not through obligation. It is about making strong choices, and about being brave enough to stand up to my own fears and preconceptions about myself. It is listening to myself, to my body and to my instincts. It is about setting myself achievable goals that are in line with my passion and allotting time and energy to them every day.

How will living in integrity manifest in my life?
It will make for a healthy, strong and brave me. A me who honours his commitments to himself and then to those around him. It will give me an enduring sense of truth, that I might not know all about the world around me, but that I know myself, and that I can always turn to myself for the answers.

Inspiration: Kieth Haring

Had the best Sunday in a long long time last weekend.. Chilled out with my mate Jodi and then on our walk through Fitzroy, stumbled on this wall. We pressed the intercom and the lovely lady inside confirmed that yes, it was original Keith Haring. Apparently he spent some time there. Have I mentioned that I love Melbourne?

Haring's work predates the current cool of 'street art', and as I took these photos on this raw brick wall, it occured to me that I was looking at a relic. It was a wierd feeling of both a presence and absence.

I count myself lucky to live in the times I do. It's much easier being gay today than it was in Haring's day. But looking at this wall it reminded me to be grateful for the changes that people like Haring made, for their bravery, and their commitment to the belief that we should all be free to live full lives. And that we have a duty to carry that passion on into our times.

Autoportrait

La Clique

I just got in from seeing La Clique at the Spiegeltent.

Fucking hot.
And inspiring. And hot. And funny. And hot hot hot.

I've always wanted to dance the tango, to hang from trapezes and ropes. Tomorrow I make the call. But more than acrobatics, or comedy or display, there is something massive seeing people being all they can be. It speaks volumes.

Did I say hot?
Phew.

Please help: Photoshop make me cranky

So, if anybody is out there, and has a clue about why I can use the pen tool, but it wont select what's inside the path I draw - please help.

It seems so easy, andI'm sure it is. But I can't work it out to save myself and I'm now getting cranky.

Maybe I'll go and play with my camera instead..

Inspiration: Art inflected art

Along with my usual rants about my muddled existence, this blog is also about my creative inspiration. I spend hours online looking at art and design, music video, film and galleries - always sourcing inspiration. I thought it best to capture some of what I find inspiring and share it.

I also find it quite interesting looking at trains of thought - how we might start off with one quest in mind, but follow tangents and rambling paths that lead us to discover other stuff.

This morning I was looking into the work of Hussein Chalayan, which pretty much lead me straight to the Tate Modern - my favourite comtemporary gallery. This gallery has an excellent way of displaying comtemporary art comprehensibly.

Check out Tate Tracks - a great initiative whereby the Tate invites musicians to write tracks inspired by contemporary art. The first track - Chemical Brothers vs Jacob Epstein- can be heard online now, and is inspired by Epstein's Torso in Metal from the 'Rock Drill'.

Very cool.

Crook

I've had the wierdest flu in the planet.
It just sits inside of me and does bloody nothing. I slept for days and days and missed work and fun over the weekend and the bugger is still in me.

Last night I woke at 4. I decided to get worried about all the stuff I have to do. I decided to get worried about the wind. To worry about the drought. The dams. North Korea. The dishes. Work. And why I was not sleeping.

For a moment there I turned into my mother. See, it's very wierd this flu.

Today the victim mentality stops

Today I take total responsibility for my life. With the responsibility I also take control. I accept that I have long subscribed to a victim mentality. I have blamed other people and other factors for my issues. And today, actually, yesterday, I stopped.

The next step is to forgive myself for the years of this. Right now I'm rehashing past indulgences to that mentality. Times when I was dishonest, so very dishonest, all in order to manipulate people. Times when I was selfish and discompassionate. Times when I was not the man I want to be, or saw myself as.

I can accept that there were times when I really was a victim of a negative environment. But I haven't been there for a long time. And yet I have stayed within this pattern. It was my form of protection. I don't need it any more. It's time to thank it and to let it go.

This is the most powerful thing I have ever done. As with all habits, it's going to take some time to kick. But today, I start.

Big Purchase: Camera

I bought a new camera yesterday, and I love love love it. I had been done over in New York with a camera purchase a few years back, so it was good to get what I want this time! I have loads of creative control with this one, and am very happy..

Lots of fun! Oh and work too. I need it to get some new work done...

I know I'm not alone

Tonight, thanks to my good mates, Peta and Robbie (and soon to be born, Billie) , I went to see Michael Franti perform at the Forum. Wow. The energy in the room was amazing. Not only was there a sense of collective activism, for the first time in a while, I really felt that there was hope. Hope that we can achieve a greater understanding of each other. As Franti put it (and I am paraphrasing here) the right of freedom of speech is only worthwhile if we exercise our right to listen.

There was so much good music, but even more to think about. All I can say is that if you can get a chance to see him and Spearhead perform, grab it.

Together, we can unfuck the world. Yeah!

What lies beneath

Much easier these days to place an image.. I took this pic - it's just a working pic really, thinking of using it for a little brief I'm working on.. i love the surface of water.. almost as obsessed as I am with trees. I took it outside the National Gallery of Victoria on Monday, just before I went to check out the Picasso exhibition.

I love Picasso, for me he is an inspiration. The sheer volume of the work. It's as if he had no inner critic, he just drew and painted and wrote constantly. I really admire his passion. He had so many loves and lovers. I dig that. I'm sure that there were many broken hearts, and much pain. His work seems to feed off that, quite fearlessly.

I hope to channel Picasso a little. To keep on experimenting. To work as an artist all the time, to draw on my life. It's funny, as I write this I find myself self editing. It's natural I guess, but hey, who's judging?

Secondcoming

I have rediscovered some inspiration to blog, having been checking out some of the local blogging talent. It's a great way of getting connected..

So, let's consider this take two.

Today is a new day. Keep on moving.